If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
