I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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