if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
