I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
