hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
