Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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