OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
