his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
