note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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