I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
