get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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