Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
