sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
