how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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