Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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