It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
