I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
