i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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