I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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