not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
