He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That accounts for only three of the penises
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
