You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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