how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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