I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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