You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
