D3 body, D1 cock
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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