I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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