Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
