College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
