I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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