I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
