Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
