Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
