It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
