What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
