if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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