Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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