god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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