Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
