I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
