I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
