The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
