i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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