Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
