fuck your aforementioned shoe
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
