I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
