Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
