I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
