i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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