My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it glows. i had to have it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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