i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
