rhymes with "ouble enetration"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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