he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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