the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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