please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
