Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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